


Clue: Or Who Killed Lord Elrond

by Two_Turn_Tables



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: A/U, Character Death, Gen, Parody, clue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 17:32:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1275028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Two_Turn_Tables/pseuds/Two_Turn_Tables
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clue parody, LOTR style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clue: Or Who Killed Lord Elrond

Seven pairs of eyes darted from figure to figure seated in the room. Not a single word had been spoken for nearly seven long minutes and if not for the howling of the wind outside, the silence would have been maddening. 

The door opened, breaking the uneasy silence between the seven figures, and Lindir entered with a full bottle of wine for the elves who were bunkered down in the room. Uncorking it, he sat the bottle of wine where the prior bottle had been. Seeing that the room was a little dark still, he went and fetched another candle holder, a solid silver piece for one large candle. The lighted candle added a nice glow to the room. He excused himself just as silently as the guests were in the room and shut the door behind him.

As host, Elrond cleared his throat and decided to continue the deliberations about the topic at hand. 'This will be done!" A forceful proclamation rang out, emphasized with a pounding fist on the nearby table. "We have tarred far too long and we must set forth our tribute."

Erestor, the most pragmatic member of the group nodded in agreement before adding. "This has been agreed on, my lord, but where and from what will we construct this memorial of?"

Elrond pondered a moment and then turned to Thranduil. "I offer your question to our eastern friend."

Thranduil glared at the Peredhel. "What makes you think that I give one care as to how this task is completed?" The King of Mirkwood fumed over being outvoted on the issue by the others in the room. "Figure it out amongst yourselves. If this is the greatest concerns your respective realms have, then I am right in saying that you are all fools!" The ruler of Mirkwood was annoyed. Here he had brought a new poison that he had developed from the Mirkwood spiders and he wanted to share his new found discovery of the truly deadly toxin.

At hearing Thranduil's response Glorfindel jumped up, knocking over a small table. A dark red liquid poured from the broken bottle of wine, pooling onto the floor. As ever the hidden valley's neat freak, Erestor cleaned up the mess, and sat the broken bottle back on the table before taking his seat on the sofa.

Glorfindel thanked the raven-hared advisor and spoke whilst Erestor busied himself cleaning up the mess. "This is a tribute," the golden-haired elf stated," to the greatness of our departed leader." His voice rang out as if he were rallying his troops for battle. 

"Although," He smiled at the gathered party. "His accolades do pale in comparison to the slaying of a Balrog." 

Moans were heard from the gathered party and for the first time in this very long night, a collective agreement was reached on at least one topic. 

"Give it up, Lord Glorfindel." Galadriel stated. "We don't need your ego immortalized in stone." 

Legolas snickered next to his father and Thranduil shot his son a look that caused the youngster to put his head down, blushing. He fiddled with a piece of Lothlorien rope that Rumil had given him when the passed through the forest. 

Trying to get the group back to the issue at hand, Elrond stated. "I think we are not thinking grand enough!" He jumped on the couch with his enthusiasm for this topic. "We should do a series of statues to honor his life. Each realm can be responsible for a different point in his life."

Erestor and Glorfindel applauded their lord, and Galadriel nodded in approval. Haldir looked on bored and Thranduil smiled.

"Yes, yes Mirkwood volunteers the elfling stage in which he falls from his horse and cries for his mother. I know our stone carvers could create a fitting eulogy of his wailing and sobbing face."

Galadriel stood, patting the king on the head. "My dear Thranduil, you always make our meetings most memorable. In all seriousness, let us create the most inspiring monuments that will drive our people to seek greatness and bravery."

Her mini speech was met with applause from the Imladris party. Even Legolas was grinning, as this was his first "diplomatic" meeting he had been allowed to participate in. All eyes turned back to Thranduil who sat motionless and silent. 

On hearing no retort from the Mirkwood king, Elrond took the floor again. "Ah" he thought aloud and grabbed a metal vase. "Perhaps a metal statue?"

"I like that idea," added Erestor. "Each realm can use a different material for their statues. Metal, stone and …."

"Lard?" Thranduil interjected.

Erestor blanked for a second and then continued. "Wood."

"Excellent!" Elrond jumped up again. In his excitement an elven dagger fell from his belt onto the floor. "Imladris will do metal, for we have the best metal-smiths from Eregion."

"And Lothlorien chooses wood, for we have the mighty mellyrn whose wood will glow with such radiance to his image."

All eyes turned back to Thranduil. "Lard, we agreed?"

Elrond sighed. "Stone, Thranduil, Mirkwood will carve from its rocks a stone statue."

"Oh yes, of the crying elfling scene." 

His statement was met with groans from the delegated.

The wind really began to howl and it blew open the once closed window. Candles flickered and Legolas screamed. 

Next to Elrond a spider jumped onto his shoulder. "Get it off!" Elrond screamed and the elves jumped up. 

More wind blew in and the candles blew out. Total darkness enveloped the chaos that ensued. Thuds and booms and crashes were paralleled with screams and gasps and shouts.

A good few moments had passed when finally Lindir opened the doors holding a candle that lit the room enough to show a startling scene. Lord Elrond was laying on the floor, face down not moving. Laying around the room on the floor was a rope, broken wine bottle, the empty vial of poison, a metal vase, dagger and candle holder. 

Lindir bent over Elrond checking him over. "He is dead!" He screamed. "One of you killed him, didn't you?"

"Who?….why?" Erestor fell to the ground from behind the sofa. His grief and shock enveloping him.

"No one leaves until this is figured out." Galadriel warned, growling almost. "Lindir, lock the door!" 

Lindir did as he was told, locking the door. He put the key in his pocket.

"First," Galadriel began, "How was he killed? What was the murder weapon?"

The group looked around the room. Lindir picked up the dagger. "This could have done it." 

Legolas jumped up and grabbed the broken wine bottle near him. "This looks sharp enough to kill." 

The artifact was placed on a table by the dagger. Lindir continued to collect the items around the room that seemed out of place. 

"A dagger, candle holder, vial of empty poison, vase, broken wine bottle, and rope." Galadriel inventoried the items they had collected. "Now who killed Lord Elrond?"

No response came from the gathered elves. 

"Fine." stated Lindir, "This is expected. We will just have to figure this out ourselves."

"Shall we start with the obvious?" Galadriel looked at Thranduil, the ruler of Mirkwood. His father Oropher had a deep hatred for the Noldor, and the Sinda King might still just carry that same grudge as his father.

"Obvious?" Thranduil questioned. "You want obvious? How about the kin-slaying Noldor in the room?" He growled angrily. Another kin-slaying might have ensured but Glorfindel pulled Thranduil away from the Lady of Lothlorien. 

Lindir knelt by Elrond, examining his Lord's body. "Aye, here it is." he moved back Elrond's long locks to show a gashing wound to the head. "We can eliminate the rope, the dagger, and the poison as murder weapons. This leaves the candle holder, vase and wine bottle."

"Let us reflect on this." Linder sighed. "Our great elf lord and friend is dead. Be it accident or intentional, we must learn who and how and why. Together we can piece together the events that led to this tragic end."

The other elves nodded and sat. Lindir having found the he was serving as investigator now studied the group, their ageless faces revealed nothing. This was not going to be easy, especially if the guilty party failed to confess. "Let's start with the simple question, will anyone admit to doing it?"

Silence was his response. "Fine, then an interrogation will ensue. Let us start with Thranduil."

Thranduil smiled. 

"Please explain what occurred just now."

"We were discussing the frivolous edifices to a certain fallen elf-king. A rather small spider had perched itself on Elrond's shoulder and he requested it be removed from his person. Of course I rose to assist. The wind just happened to blow the candles out so it went dark. I tried moving to save the spider from some senseless death. I never made it to Elrond though. I tripped over an object. " The admission of course embarrassed the king and he slightly blushed before his peers. " I landed right there." He pointed to an area.

Linder studied the elven king "And the poison you brought?"

"Yes." continued Thranduil. "The vial of poison broke you see. The puddle is exactly in the area I landed."

Six set of eyes scrutinized the spot and just as Thranduil had testified, a small puddle of liquid and the vial's lid was the alibi the woodland king needed.

"That doesn't prove he didn't do it." stated Haldir. "All it proves, is what we already know, that Elrond was not poisoned." 

"That is true." continued Thranduil. "I can tell you the truth and proclaim my innocence. But only the guilty and I know my part in this mystery. There is a clue I can provide." Thranduil paused and the six pairs of eyes fixated on him. "The object I tripped over was the vase."

"How do you know this?" asked Erestor. 

"It slid and rolled."

"I think we can safely assume that the vase is not the weapon used to kill Elrond." Lindir stated.

He turned his attention to Legolas. "And your account?"

"The lights went out and in my surprise I threw the rope." He looked behind him. "The rope fell there when you picked it up. I sat back down on the sofa and kept still because I did not want to create a problem and get yelled at by my ada." He looked at the King of Mirkwood who gave him a reassuring smile. Legolas then gave his most innocent look .

Lindir seemed satisfied with Legolas' account and turned to the Lady Galadriel.

The Lady stood and spoke in her most grave and serious voice. Truly dramatic, Lindir groaned within.

"When the lights went out I remained seated. Elrond is a grown elf and besides, my splendid person does not address pest problems. There was little chaos around me. And when the lights did come back I observed Thranduil seated there," She pointed to the area where the pool of poison was. "Legolas was seated on the sofa, Erestor was standing behind the sofa, Glorfindel was holding his bottom and I didn't have the time to observe were Haldir was."

Lindir turned to Haldir. "if you would provide your account."

"I went to try to relight the candles that had blown out but I couldn't find them. They had already been moved before I came to them. I was standing by the window when you entered the room, trying to shut them so the wind would stop blowing in. I never moved away from the window."

Lindir nodded, and then looked at the chief-advisor.

"Erestor, your account please."

The advisor started. "I was seated on the sofa by Glorfindel when the lights went out. I too wanted to light the candles, but I bumped into someone who pushed past me, so I stopped. I stood by the sofa and the sounds I heard, the yells, they froze me. When you entered I looked in the direction of the screams and saw Elrond laying there." He tried to hold back tears but they fell anyways. 

"And now, we just need your account, Glorfindel."

Glorfindel looked at his peers who all had his attention. "It was just as the other's stated, we were politely discussing statues. I was standing by a sofa and the small table." 

"Thats the table the wine bottle was on." Legolas added.

"Oh correct ." stated Glorfindel. "When Elrond yelled for assistance I wanted to be the valiant one who assisted him, as is my pedigree, so I dashed to his side of course. Well, er, the lights went out and I didn't make it far. Before I could reach him I managed to stub my toe right on this table." The warrior in Glorfindel sighed. 

"All I could manage was to sit down on the sofa and to tend my injured foot. I must have knocked the wine bottle off again too because it had fallen onto the sofa and of course, I sat on it." He turned around to show the others the tear in his pants. "So like Thranduil, I can offer a clue. It was not the wine bottle that killed Elrond."

"And when I entered?" Lindir probed.

"I was holding my bottom wondering what on Arda had bested me."

Lindir contemplated all the accounts form the gathered elves. "It was the candle holder that was used to kill Lord Elrond. It is consistent with the wound on his head. I found the candle holder on the opposite side of the room." Lindir went to look over the candle holder for clues but it was wiped clean. 

"The killer would have whatever was used to wipe the candle holder clean." Erestor added. "Lindir, you should search us all."

Lindir looked at the gathered. "I will start with the Lady Galadriel."

"Well, I have nothing to hide." She stated while Lindir began the diligent search of Galadriel's person, apologizing and blushing along the way. Satisfied that she did not have what he was looking for, he turned to Thranduil. 

"I care not, search me." Thranduil re-assured Lindir. "Mirkwood has nothing to hide." 

Lindir searched the woodland king and after another thorough search, nothing was found. The search was repeated with each elf in the room. No such article was found.

Lindir, turned to ponder awhile, stumped in the investigation. He looked at the dagger and noticed a slight dust on the blade. 'Fibre dust' He thought. Satisfied with this new clue, Lindir began to piece together the events of the night, which seemed clearer to him now. He turned to address the gathered.

"It is exactly as you all described. The discussions, the spider, the lights going out. Our killer used the chaos to their advantage, grabbing the candle holder they bashed Elrond on the head. Knowing that blood would be on it, they then used a bit of cloth that had been cut from their own garments and then used it to wipe down the dagger. I would imagine that with the short amount of time they had, they may have tried to hide the evidence on Elrond's person. Our killer was clever, but missed one minor detail. A piece of their clothing will be missing, a small bit of cloth will lead us to their identity." Lindir bent down, and found the piece of cloth hidden under Elrond. It was green, and covered in blood.

The other elves started looking each other over for cut clothing.

Lindir smiled. "It will not be on the killer."

"But where then?" asked Legolas

"The window of course." answered Glorfindel.

Six eyes turned to Haldir. 

"Is it true?" asked Galadriel, shocked her march-warden may have killed Lord Elrond.

Haldir only smiled, as Lindir had pulled from the window his discarded green cloak, missing a cut corner from the end for all to see.

"It was Haldir with the candle holder." They answered in unison. 

\--------  
End

**Author's Note:**

> I dont even know why I wrote this. Its pure parody, kin-slaying, and character death. A/U


End file.
